In this interview with MOTUNRAYO JOEL, 80-year-old retired nurse, Mrs. Omolara Segun, talks about her life
Where and when were you born?
I was born in Lagos State on Sunday, November 24, 1933. My father is from Lagos State. I have a younger sister who is 68 years old. She also lives in Lagos.
How was your childhood?
My childhood revolved around school, church and home. There was nothing that interested me more than education. I had a good childhood. My parents provided almost everything my sister and I needed. My father was an assistant superintendent of police, while my mother was a full-time house wife. She was always around and we had a good relationship.
Where did you have your education?
I attended a Catholic school at Ebute Metta, Lagos. Then, I moved to Methodist Girls’ High School, but I didn’t complete my secondary education there. I was transferred to another school within the area. That was where I completed my secondary education. I attend a university in Nigeria but went straight to the United Kingdom to study nursing.
Why did you choose nursing?
I love taking care of people. I derive pleasure from it. I think that is where my passion lies.
You retired from the health sector. How would you rate the sector today?
The health sector has deteriorated. In my time, health care was good. Hospitals had dedicated members of staff. Health equipment was of high standard. But know, everyone’s interest is money. Doctors and nurses no longer care about their fellow human beings. The Federal Government should do something about the health sector before things get worse.
How was your experience in the UK?
I moved to the UK with my husband in 1955 but we only got married a year after. While he studying for his master’s degree, I was studying nursing to earn a certificate. Life wasn’t easy because we were both students trying to make ends meet. There were times we didn’t have money to eat, but thanks to God, we managed to weather the storm. It was even harder for us when I was pregnant. UK generally is a fun place, as long as one is black. One would always be treated as a second-class citizen. I was so happy the day my family moved back to Nigeria.
How did you both meet?
I met my husband through my cousin. I was living with my aunt and she had a son who was my husband’s best friend at that time. So, he used to come to the house regularly, I guess that was how we both got used to each other. Our likeness for each other grew so fast. The first day I saw him, his looks appealed to me and I knew deep down that we would end up as a husband and wife. Luckily, I did not have a boyfriend or anybody I was dating then, so I showed interest when he started making advances at me. There were times he would come to my church at Yaba, Lagos just to hear me sing. He always says I have a sonorous voice (laughs). The relationship grew stronger each day. Though, it was difficult trying to convince my aunt that my husband was a good man. She felt he was childish and unserious. Well, it’s all history now. We’ve been married for 57 years. We got married on September 14, 1956.
What qualities did you admire in your husband?
Naturally, I’m a quiet person. I can’t flow with anyone who is lousy. My husband is my perfect match. He is quiet in nature and not lousy too. I also love his sense of humour; there is no boring moment around him. He always makes me laugh. Despite my rich family background, I knew my husband loves me genuinely. I appreciate this so much. He is also a sports man. He is intelligent, lovable, upright and honest.
You’ve been married for 57 years. How would you describe your marriage experience?
I’ve enjoyed my marriage. There is no problem.
You are a year older than your husband, has that affected your marriage?
Not at all, we are not bothered; age is nothing but a number. Honestly, we don’t even think about it. I’ve never disrespected him. I’m submissive to him.
What has kept your marriage going?
I will say it is genuine love. Most people don’t know that love is a selfish thing. One loves because one wants to be loved. I love my husband and he loves me too. My husband appreciates me for who I am. He respects my decisions and I respect his too. Another principle that has kept my marriage going is commitment to joint account. Since we got married, we’ve always operated a joint account.
His money is my money and mine is his. We are open and keep no secrets from each other. There is a mutual trust between us. We have never allowed jealousy to creep into our marriage. Even when he isn’t home by 11pm, I know he has a genuine reason for staying out that late. And even when I was earning more than he was, I respected him and saw him as the breadwinner of the family. We saw my salary as our money, not my money. We are committed to one another.
What challenges have you encountered in life?
I think my most challenging period was when we were in the UK. It was the period when we had just one source of income. It was a tough time. Things got so bad after we had our first son that we had to wait for six years before having the next child. My salary was barely enough to feed two mouths, not to talk of three. We had so many bills to pay. There was a time we had no money to heat our home. It was during winter. It was my mother-in-law that came to our rescue. My husband even had to take up menial jobs to earn some money. Because being black in a white dominated environment is challenging; we had to be on our guards all the time.
How was it like being the breadwinner then?
It wasn’t easy, but because my husband and I had a strong bond, we knew we would overcome it. We saw it as just a temporary phase.
Were there times you felt like giving up during that period?
Never, it didn’t cross my mind, I didn’t see the money I was earning as my money. I believe it was our money. My husband and I had a mindset that whatever each of us earns belongs to the family. After we left the UK, he got a good job with the University of Ile-Ife, (now Obafemi Awolowo University) Osun State and his salary was 10 times my salary. A woman who earns more than her husband should never exhibit pride because anything can happen.
Will you say that your marriage has been blissful all through the years?
No, we’ve had our ups and downs. My husband is sort of a workaholic. There were times he would have sleepless nights because he was working on a project. It also affected me because I couldn’t sleep, but I had to be supportive.
How many children do you have?
I have three boys. Though, I had cousins and nephews living with me, I think we had about five or six boys in total. It wasn’t easy training them, I just had to be a good organiser and I ensured that I instilled discipline in all of them. If any of them misbehaved, I would smack him, no matter how old or tall he. Also, because I spaced my boys, taking care of them all wasn’t too much of a challenge.
Where are your children based?
My children are holders of master’s degrees. The first boy studied English for his first degree, but he is a businessman and a consultant based in Nigeria. The second child earned a BSC in Economics when he was just 19 from the University of Ife. He is currently in the United States working with the US government. The third child is based in the UK, he is a computer engineer.
With your children all grown up, how do you keep yourself busy?
I watch television especially Yoruba movies. But since I have my husband around, there is never a boring moment. He is my best friend and we gist together a lot.
Do attend social functions?
No, I don’t have friends. I hardly keep in touch with friends. I’m reserved in nature.
What are your hobbies?
I love singing. I can sing all day because it gives me joy. I also enjoy taking care of people. That is one of the reasons I decided to study nursing.
What was the scariest moment in your life?
The day my husband became unconscious. He was actually unconscious for 11 days. I was not worried, I had this feeling that he wouldn’t die. I just knew it was not his time to die. The time it happened, I was confused at first, but I regained confidence.
Do you have any regrets?
I don’t have any regrets. God has been wonderful to me. My parents did not have all the money in the world, but they supported me as far as they could and gave me the right influence.
Would you say you are fulfilled?
Most definitely, I’m happy with what my husband and I have achieved. I thank God for all what he has done for me and the plans He has for us. I have wonderful sons. I’m truly blessed.
What is your favourite food?
I don’t think I have any favourite food, but I like eating amala anytime I have the opportunity. My husband has never eaten pounded yam, amala or eba. So, I have no reason to cook any of them. We eat together and I still cook for him. I have never allowed any woman to cook his food till date.
How do you keep yourself fit?
I love walking. Every morning, I walk round my compound. I also dance while singing sometimes. I also try as much as possible to eat less food. Every day, I pray that God should help me to be self- sufficient and strong even as I grow older.
What is your advice to young couples?
The major thing couples should have is trust. The moment one stops trusting his or her partner, the marriage has ended. I have realised that most young couples don’t value the word trust. You find some women panicking anytime their husbands don’t come back home early. They immediately assume they are with other women. Young couples don’t value trust, not to talk of financial trust. I had to trust my husband even when he was doing well financially.
Another thing couples should avoid is separate rooms. This is a taboo in marriage because if they have a misunderstanding at night on the bed, they are bound to resolve it. But with separate rooms, misunderstandings have the tendency of getting prolonged for days. Also, ladies should have a sense of humour. It will help them dismiss things easily and not lead them onto hurtful scenarios. They should also avoid bringing in a third party. It has worked for my marriage and children’s marriages. Generally, couples should be committed to one another. They should be more understanding. They should not get involved in drinking and smoking and it would help them to show more interest in their children.
Couples should not over-indulge their children. They should understand that what children come in contact with and the people they interact with will largely determine the set of things they will want to do to do themselves. Allow children have a mind of their own to a certain extent. The best way to guide them is to ensure they face their studies properly when they are young.
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